Do you put any thought into the sayings on greeting cards? If you get a number of cards around Christmastime, you may have even less attention to give. I can’t say I study each card, but this one drew me in.
“Peace in our hearts draws friends near.”
It’s not just friends that a peaceful heart draws in, is it? Team members and colleagues draw closer when we have a peaceful heart too. That is, those around us trust us more and as a result, we have more productive conversations, better ideas, and greater improvements.
So what makes for a peaceful heart?
Here are some ideas:
Assume good intent. I’m pretty sure this one has been around awhile, but I first heard about it from a former Apple Genius Bar employee. Part of their training included this phrase because if you are approaching the Genius Bar you probably have an issue you need solved. He said sometimes people are frustrated or upset by the problem or challenge they are having and show it through their words and actions. If you assume good intent, it’s easier to communicate with the customer and solve their problem, without taking things personally. Assuming good intent leads to a peaceful heart.
Seek to Understand, Then to Be Understood. Habit 5 from Covey’s 7 Habits encourages us to be an active listener, and to understand why someone is saying something before replying, debating, or arguing your point. You might think it takes a peaceful heart to be able to do this, but my personal experience is it is just the opposite. Intentionally practicing this habit (which includes not getting it right every single time) cultivates a peaceful heart. To trust in yourself enough that you can hear someone else’s point of view or idea and not think that you are being attacked and must go on the defensive is a very peaceful place to be!
Cultivate an inner circle. I first became aware of the ‘inner circle’ concept from John Maxwell. He talks about surrounding yourself with people who can nurture your potential. I like to think of an inner circle as people who are understanding and supportive, and also challenging when appropriate. If you have a person or a few people who you can trust and grow with, you have an inner circle. Having an inner circle encourages a peaceful heart because you know there’s another human being out there that supports you and who you can trust.
Take care of yourself. You’ve probably heard it a million times now, not only travelling by plane but by self-development gurus everywhere: put on your oxygen mask before helping others with theirs. You need to make sure all aspects of you – your health, your mind and your spirit – are in good shape before serving and leading others. When you feel good, a peaceful heart is easier to cultivate.
Celebrate the successes of others. This is a tough one. Sometimes it’s easy but sometimes when someone near you gets promoted (instead of you) or finds success when you are struggling, it’s way more difficult. Give it a try anyway. When you want to ignore that person who just accomplished something, was recognized, or did something great, send them a quick note saying “congratulations.” Like anything else, it will take practice. But when you can make this a habit, a peaceful heart is in reach.
Be a ‘peaceful heart detector’. When you feel your heart is peaceful, observe if others seem to feel more comfortable around you, express their trust and gratitude more, and if you are able to trust and show your gratitude to others more easily. And then determine for yourself if this peaceful heart thing is for you.
engineer your life
- Do you have a peaceful heart? Is there an area that you think you can work on to cultivate one?
- Observe when you feel you have a peaceful heart. Anything different?
- Observe when you think others have a peaceful heart. How do people respond to them?