In the last post we looked at cultivating a mindset to ask questions of others. In this article we’ll examine having the mindset and courage to ask ourselves questions (stick with me! We’ll get to why this topic might not be appealing).

Let’s get right to it. It takes courage to ask ourselves what we can do better. It takes courage to ask ourselves what we want to be more satisfying in our lives, and how we can be more aligned with our vision and values. Do any of these resonate with you?

  • Desire to have richer, deeper connections with people who support and encourage you and who you can support and encourage
  • Want to feel more satisfied with the work you’re doing
  • Would like more comfort in your financial situation
  • Would like to be a better leader (of yourself or others)

Why don’t we check-in with ourselves more often?

Ever have a car that’s making a funny noise now and then, but you put off a trip to the mechanic? Why? Maybe:

  • We mean to do something about it but because it only catches our attention now and then we forget about it when we’re not in the car and hearing the noise
  • We think we’ll feel dumb if it turns out that it was something that we could have easily prevented, or if it’s a fix we could have done ourselves, or if it turns out to be nothing
  • We don’t want to know how extensive the issue is. What if it’s going to cost a lot? What if it costs so much we should consider getting a different car? How are we going to swing payments on that? What if that car has issues? (and on and on…)
  • Will it even get better? It’s running pretty good right now. Don’t mess with something that’s working, right?  
  • It will take time to get the diagnostic and repair done, and I’m busy! (and it’s working good enough now.)
  • I don’t even know how to find a mechanic. The choices seem overwhelming. How do I find a good one?

And sometimes we’re so busy focusing on where we’re going, or on another task (e.g. listening to a podcast) that we don’t even hear the noise in the first place.

It’s a similar situation with reflecting on our current situation. Let’s look at each one of these in turn and get our mindset in a place where reflecting on where we can improve is something we look forward to (yep, it’s possible).

I’ll feel dumb because I should have known better

Promise yourself that as you reflect on what you may need to work on that you become an observer. You may have a skill or behavior you want to improve. That doesn’t mean you are deficient. You have more potential than you know but you won’t be able to achieve more without looking at what aspects of your life need some work.

As an observer, you record the data. What do you excel at? What aspects of your life, if improved, could have a big impact on the amount of value you can add or how aligned with your purpose you’ll be? Be aware that we’re staying out of the guilt/shame downward spiral. Remember that all-star athletes in every sport have coaches that help them improve, regardless of how long they’ve been playing the game.

I’ll fall into a downward spiral of despair

Humans are really good at imagining how things aren’t going to work. And it’s fairly easy to imagine a sequence of events where you’re worse off than when you started. The key to overcoming entering the spiral of despair is to know that you can always make another choice. (My background is in engineering, so I’ll say almost always…I like to stay away from absolutes!)

A friend gave me this advice at one point in my life where I was hemming and hawing over an important decision, and I have found it to be very useful. Here we’re looking at reflecting on what aspects of our life we can improve on. What’s the worst-case scenario? We learn something we need to improve on. Leave it at that. You’ve gained some data. You can choose to do something about it or not. And in either case, you can change course if your current choice isn’t giving you positive results.

I’m going to put in a bunch of effort but not see any results / I don’t need any improvement

Many years ago, I started reading a book, somewhat reluctantly, on how to get over making excuses. I was reluctant to read it because I told myself I’m over that! I don’t make excuses! I do what needs to be done. For whatever reason I read the book anyway. Then it dawned on me…shoot, I do make excuses in various aspects of my life. The one that I was making at the time was that I couldn’t get up any earlier to fit in some exercise. Guess what…the advice in the book was right on by challenging me to ask if that “fact” was actually true. In my case it was not. I told myself getting up earlier was impossible, but it turned out to be possible. (I did get up and exercise early for quite some time and I saw the benefits.)

When I find myself saying that I don’t need to improve in an area, it’s actually the area I need to focus on. The worst case I’ve found is that I get more information on something I am familiar with. That information may serve me later, or I may be able to share it with someone else and help them. Most of the time, however, the effort I put in to thinking about the areas where I can improve and then following up leads to improving my life in some way.

I’m too busy to do any of this self-reflection mumbo jumbo

Let’s go back to the concept of sharpening the saw. It’s a simple story but illustrates why we need to interrupt our normal busy lives and intentionally improve. Taking a break and taking inventory of where we are, where we want to be, and what needs to be true to get there, allows us to find inefficiencies in our habits, and misalignments with our values and vision. It’s possible that part of the reason we’re so busy is because we’re not performing at our peak potential or we’re not focusing on the stuff that’s going to get us where we really want to go.

I’m overwhelmed even thinking about having to think about taking inventory

I recently heard someone say that being overwhelmed is about not knowing where to start. I’ll give you some concrete advice to help here. Make a list of each role you have right now. This includes at work, in organizations outside of work, in your family, and with your friends. Are you showing up in these roles in a way that supports what you value?

tl;dr

It takes a courageous mindset to ask ourselves where we need to be more aligned with our values and vision in our lives. Taking time to reflect and taking inventory of what we’re doing well and where we can improve is a key starting point. Remembering that we want to be an observer, not a critic will serve us well in being able to take action to improve.

engineer your life

Schedule some time in your calendar (yes, take out your phone and schedule an appointment with yourself) to reflect on your values, vision, and roles, and any gaps you find.

Remember there’s no destination. This is a journey. There’s always room for improvement. Instead of letting that depress you, embrace it with enthusiasm because it means our potential is not limited!