Win/Win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way, a higher way.

Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

The first three habits in Covey’s 7 Habits are what he categorizes as personal victories. The first three habits, Be Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind, and Put First Things First, are internally focused. Habits 4, 5, and 6 are what Covey calls public victories. But this doesn’t mean you become victorious over other people. Covey explains it this way:

[Public Victory] means success in effective interaction that brings mutually beneficial results to everyone involved. Public Victory means working together, communicating together, making things happen together that even the same people couldn’t make happen by working independently.

Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Habit 4 focuses on interaction between people. The author lays out six paradigms of interaction:

  • Win/Win
  • Win/Lose
  • Lose/Win
  • Lose/Lose
  • Win
  • Win/Win or No Deal

Win/Win

Win/Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others.

Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

In other words, to think Win/Win we must have an abundance mentality. That means that if I win, you can also win. There may be a solution that benefits both of us, even if it’s not the solution we had in mind when we first started interacting or negotiating. I’ve found that thinking Win/Win also requires trust. I have to trust the other person is also interested in finding the Win/Win solution. I have to trust myself that I will have an open mind and be willing to accept a solution that I didn’t think of (i.e. I can’t be so proud that I won’t accept a better solution just because I didn’t think of it). And I have to trust that there really can be a Win/Win solution, a Third Alternative as Covey calls it.

Win/Lose

Win/Lose is exactly what you think it is. One person wins, the other loses. Covey states that “Win/Lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their way.”

Win/Lose isn’t always bad. I think of sports where two teams compete. One wins, the other loses. However, even though there is competition on the field of play, it doesn’t mean that internally the team can’t seek Win/Win opportunities to be the best team possible.

Lose/Win

When I think of Lose/Win people I think of doormats. In Lose/Win, one person gives in and chooses to lose and allows the other person to win. Interestingly, Covey states that both Win/Lose and Lose/Win are based in personal insecurities.

Sometimes we may consciously choose Lose/Win because whatever we’re fighting for isn’t really that important and it’s more important to keep the peace than to win. Always taking a Lose/Win position, though, will lead to some deep-seated resentment and unexpressed feelings which will likely manifest itself sooner or later physically. Covey states psychosomatic illnesses are common when Lose/Win is the default approach.

Lose/Lose

Ever seen two Win/Lose people interacting? If they are both “determined, stubborn, ego-invested individuals”, the result is likely Lose/Lose. If one of them can’t win they want both to lose. Ever hear of a divorcing couple splitting their assets 50/50 and one of them sawing a sofa in half? That’s Lose/Lose.

Win

Some people don’t really care what the result is for the person their interacting with, as long as they themselves get what they want. People with a Win approach look out for themselves only, and assume others look out for themselves.

Win/Win or No Deal

In Win/Win or No Deal, the two parties agree to find the Win/Win solution, and if there isn’t one, to walk away with no deal. Of course, it’s not always possible to have ‘no deal’ as the result, but if it is, Covey states there is a freedom that comes with the approach. It allows you to really explore the reasons behind the other position and strive to find the alternative that works best for everyone. You won’t need to compromise because you know that ‘no deal’ is an option.

Covey spends some time on which option is best. Of course, there may be situations where each of these approaches is appropriate. Overall, though, his recommendation is to interact with a Win/Win approach.

In the long run, if it isn’t a win for both of us, we both lose. That’s why Win/Win is the only real alternative in interdependent realities.

Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

5 Dimensions of Win/Win

Covey talks about five interdependent dimensions that play into being able to make Win/Win a habit. These are character, relationships, agreements, and the supporting systems and processes.

Character

Three essential character traits for thinking Win/Win are integrity, maturity, and having an abundance mentality.

Integrity

With integrity we keep our commitments to ourselves and others. When others sense this trait in us, it opens them to thinking Win/Win.

Maturity

Covey defines maturity as “the balance between courage and consideration”. When we lack maturity I may “borrow strength from my position and power, or from my credentials, my seniority, my affiliations.” It takes a courageous person who also considers others to think Win/Win.

Abundance Mentality

Knowing there is enough for everyone, that life is not zero-sum, is the abundance mentality. Those with a Scarcity Mentality feel that if someone wins someone else must lose. We’re scripted into a Scarcity Mentality in some ways because we grade on a curve (only so many can get an ‘A’ in class), for example. But we certainly can change our thinking into an Abundance Mentality if we are intentional about it.

Relationships

Trust is essential to thinking Win/Win. Building trust with the person you are interacting with is key to being able to approach interactions via Win/Win. If you don’t trust someone, how likely are you to want to find the solution that works for both of you, when you’re not sure they will do the same for you?

Agreements

Covey states there are five elements that need to be made explicit in a Win/Win agreement:

  • Results: Includes what is being produced and by when.
  • Guidelines: Includes policies and principles. The work will be done according to the guidelines.
  • Resources: Includes the people, the financial, and technical support needed to complete the work.
  • Accountability: “standards of performance and the time of evaluation”
  • Consequences: What happens after evaluation

Systems

The systems in an organization need to support Win/Win. The systems can’t support Win/Lose if you want to support Win/Win. Covey gives an example where people within an office were pitted against each other in competition to sell the most product. The winner got a grand trip. The boss couldn’t figure out though why no one was helping each other and collaborating. In this case the systems didn’t support a collaborative, Win/Win environment.

Processes

Covey recommends a 4-step process for achieving Win/Win:

  • See the problem from the other point of view. Seek to understand.
  • Identify the key issues and concerns
  • Determine what a fully acceptable solution looks like
  • Explore options to achieve the desired results

tl;dr

There are various paradigms of interaction: Win/Win, Win/Lose, Lose/Win, Lose/Lose, Win, Win/Win or No Deal. The Win/Win approach looks for the alternative that is best for both parties involved.

The dimensions of Win/Win include character, relationships, agreements, and the supporting systems and processes. When the people involved have high integrity, maturity, and an Abundance Mentality and when there is trust, appropriate agreements systems, and processes in place to support Win/Win, then finding the Third Alternative becomes reality.

engineer your life

  • Read Habit 4 in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
  • Reflect on your interactions at work and outside of work. What paradigm do you fall into most often? Is it Win/Win? If not, what would have to happen for you to think Win/Win in more interactions?