How do we go about renewing the social/emotional dimension of life that Covey talks about in Habit 7? One way I’ve found to do this is to be around people who value self-growth and Habits 4, 5, and 6, as Covey states that renewing the social/emotional dimension is a practice of these three habits (Think Win/Win, Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood, Synergize, from the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen Covey).
“You are the average of the five people you spent the most time with.”
Jim Rohn
“You’re not the average of the FIVE people you surround yourself with. It’s way bigger than that. You’re the average of all the people who surround you. So take a look around and make sure you’re in the right surroundings.”
David Burkus
“You are the same today you’re going to be in five years from now except two things: the people you meet and the books you read.”
Charlie “Tremendous” Jones
Great. Lots of thought leaders say we need to be around the right people. But how? I’ve found that one way to do this is to attend conferences, workshops, and trainings where motivated, high performing people who practice Habits 4, 5, and 6 regularly are drawn to.
Voice of Success
My first experience with surrounding myself with high performers and renewing my social/emotional dimension was accidental. I decided at one point several years ago that I was going to follow through on ideas that were capturing my attention. Not so much shiny objects or squirrels, but ideas that seemed a little illogical but somehow I thought might be important in the future. (I recommend this, by the way! I think we have a sense for what we’re capable of and how to get there even if we can’t articulate it.) At this point in my life I decided I needed to get better at communication. I had an inkling that I liked sharing ideas, and even though I had no idea how that would manifest itself, I started signing up for various conferences, workshops and trainings around communication.
One of the workshops I attended was a Voice of Success workshop given by Roger Love, who is a voice coach people like Selena Gomez, John Mayer, Tony Robbins, and Reese Witherspoon. I had heard an interview with him a few years prior, and had purchased his book, Love Your Voice. (I guess you can get a lot of mileage when your last name is “Love”). I hadn’t thought about his work much after reading the book, but when I got on the ‘communication’ path I looked him up and found he was offering a workshop. It wasn’t cheap, but I was drawn to it and decided to invest and attend.
Turns out a lot of the attendees were there because they got a discount on the workshop for having attended a Brendon Burchard workshop. Burchard is all about high performance, so these people were pumped. They were motivated, energetic, willing to talk to everyone (Habit 5), and were looking for synergy with other attendees (Habit 6). Being around these people motivated me, and helped me sharpen the saw in the social/emotional dimension. Being around high performers helped me to see what was possible.
Tau Beta Pi District Conference
Another recent example for me about how being around energetic, respectful, open-to-new-ideas people was at the Tau Beta Pi District 8 Conference. I wrote about it because I felt energized and motivated during the conference and afterwards, and I realized it was because I was surrounded by people who were engaged, curious, and adding value.
Certified Agile Leadership Training
More recently I attended a certified agile leadership workshop facilitated by Bob Galen. It was sponsored through my work, and in these cases you never really know who is going to attend and why. Sometimes people get signed up by their manager; other times they sign up to check a box for a goal. No judgement here (I’ve been that person), but when it’s not our idea sometimes we show up less engaged than we could be. This particular class, though, was full of engaged, activated people who paid attention and participated.
Our facilitator gave us permission to be leaders, and it really sparked something important in the attendees. We all came in with different viewpoints and experiences, but we listened to one another and I emerged with not only new ways of doing what I do, but with a renewed energy. It’s fair to say that I engaged in renewing the social/emotional dimension during the two days of class.
Objections
“But I don’t like participating in group activities.” I get it. Training typically involves some sort of group activity. Even though I’m usually a bit skeptical going in, I typically find that I learn more about the people in the group (honestly many times they have fascinating stories) and the exercises are useful. But I admit it takes being vulnerable, and opening up takes practice. The worst case is that I’m uncomfortable. But I’ve always survived. And, I’ve never heard of anyone blinking out of existence while attending a workshop or conference, so the negative stakes aren’t that high 🙂
tl;dr
Being with other people who are either working on or are good at Habits 4, 5, and 6 ( Think Win/Win, Seek First to Understand Then to Be Understood, Synergize) will help you sharpen the saw in the social/emotional dimension.
engineer your life
- Start looking for a leadership or self-growth conference, workshop, or training
- Take a chance, make the investment, and attend. (Or go with a friend!)
- Find people near you that you can spend time with who are good at Habits 4, 5, and 6.
