“Why do you want to go into engineering? It’s so hard.”
Ever hear that? I imagine I heard that when I was in high school. But I knew I was a decent student who was good at math and science, and I know that the aptitude tests said I would be a good fit for engineering. (To be honest I didn’t really know what engineers did, but if it had to do with math and science and computers I was in.) I forged ahead and got my degree, just like you. I ran my own race, and my “now” self is thanking my “past” self for putting in the time and effort in school.
Now, we’re in a job. We’re figuring out what energizes us and what doesn’t. We’re figuring out what’s at our center and what we value. We’re on a path to live the life we really want to live. But…it’s easy to get knocked off course by well-meaning people.
“Don’t work too hard, you’ll make us look bad.”
I’ve had several people tell me that they were told this when they joined a team. My response is always the same: run your own race. If principles are at your center, then you are going to add value and work at a sustainable rate. If that’s too hard for your teammates…well, you are not intentionally trying to make them look bad (they are doing that on their own). Work appropriately. Form professional relationships. But if someone is asking you not to work to your potential because of some perception that it reflects negatively on them, think twice before heeding that advice.
“I feel guilty because I’m getting promoted ahead of someone who started at the same time as me.”
You started with an organization and after a year or two you are up for a promotion, but the person you started with is not. You might ask yourself if that’s fair and maybe you feel guilty about it. But when you look at the situation objectively, you realize your position is a great fit for you to shine in. You work hard, you learn about the technology or context outside of work, you ask for more responsibility. Your co-worker…well, not so much. There could be a million reasons for this. Run your own race. Don’t feel guilty. Be humble, be grateful, but don’t feel guilty. If you really earned the promotion then accept it!
“I feel guilty because someone who started at the same time as me is getting promoted ahead of me.”
Ouch. You work with someone who is either really talented or works for a better manager who is looking out for them, or they just put in more work. Again, there could be a million reasons why this is the case. Be patient. Congratulate your co-worker. Run your race. Take stock of how you are doing. Ask your manager what steps you can take to move to the next level. But don’t complain. No two people’s timeline is exactly the same. Just because the timing is different for your co-workers doesn’t mean you aren’t adding value. And, things have a funny way of working out. Maybe the organization has an exciting new position that they have in mind for you, but they haven’t gotten it all in place yet. Maybe your responsibilities are more and you are growing into the position you’re in. Again, a million reasons why this could be the situation. Don’t compare your life with someone else’s. We’re all unique!
“You should really be doing hardcore engineering design.”
I met a talented young professional woman who had interned at an engineering company doing engineering design work. Her next internship was working with sales engineering. She really enjoyed the second internship and wanted to continue in a similar role full-time after graduation. She had people tell her that she was selling out, and that as a talented female engineer she needed to stay in design engineering “to represent”. Hearing this broke my heart. I’m all for encouraging girls and boys to explore STEM education if they have talent in the areas of math and science…to see if it’s right for them. And, I think a lot of people are in this camp with me. We want to see young people grow up to be all they can be, and to not discourage their exploration of various educational paths or careers just because they are a boy or a girl. However, there are some people who feel that women are underrepresented in STEM fields. They feel they need to talk women into staying in “hardcore” engineering in order to increase “representation” in STEM fields. This is unfortunate. I say, run your own race. Find out what resonates with you and go for it! And if that means you are great at sales engineering and you really enjoy it, then by all means pursue that path.
“How do you give up something you love like music to go into something else you love like science?”
Another heartbreaking question, this time from a high school student. In this case, I can’t imagine there isn’t some combination of music and science that could be a perfect fit. Or, have music as a great hobby or volunteer experience. There is a way!! Sometimes we have to be creative in order to figure out how to combine or have both. Don’t let people tell you that you only have once choice. In this case you may need to be creative, but you will find a way to run your race.
Surround yourself with people who are going to support you, and who you can trust to be honest with you. Turn to this person or these people when you have questions about whether you are actually running your own race.
It can be tricky to assemble an “inner circle” as John Maxwell calls it. The reason is that sometimes there are people we can’t not be around…co-workers and family, for example. However, you can love them and keep them in your life, but they don’t have to be part of your inner circle. Nod pleasantly when they give you advice, consider it, but then do what you need to do to run your race.
Make sure you’re not living someone else’s idea of success and you’ll add great value to the world.
tl;dr
- There will be naysayers who will give you advice that doesn’t resonate with what you know your path is. Evaluate what they say, but in the end, stick to your principles and what you know to be true, and run your own race.
- Sometimes the naysayer is you! Be patient with yourself and persevere.
engineer your life
- Identify a person or people you want to be in your inner circle.
- If you don’t have anyone in mind, make it a point to look out for people who have integrity who you might want to build a trusting relationship with. It takes time to do this, so be patient.
- Surround yourself with positive podcasts, blogs, and books that will encourage you to live up to your potential. Some ideas:
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen Covey
- The Magic of Thinking Big, by David J. Schwartz (This book was first published in 1959, but like 7 Habits the concepts are timeless.)
- Stand Up for Your Life: A Practical Step-by-Step Plan to Build Inner Confidence and Personal Power, by Cheryl Richardson
- Anything by the many self-improvement coaches and speakers out there. (A quick search on Amazon for “self-improvement” turned up over 90,000 results. I’m sure there is a title or two that will resonate with you.)