Habit 2 in Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change challenges us to think about who we really want to be, who we really are, and the delta between the two. We’ll talk about a powerful exercise that uncovers what we value (i.e. who we want to be), the concept of first and second creation, and what it means to be principle-centered.

Discovering what’s really important to you

I’m going to share the first exercise Covey asks us to do in this chapter. It’s not comfortable, but it’s super powerful and I encourage you to do the exercise. I have no doubt you will learn a lot about yourself, which is critical to engineering your life. This exercise certainly helped me set on a path to become the person I really want to be.

Whenever you are ready to do the exercise, set aside at least 30 minutes of quiet time. The “hand-on” time for the exercise won’t take that long, but you’ll probably want to spend a few minutes thinking about your response.

Here goes:

Imagine you have just arrived at a funeral. You walk into a room full of people. You feel the heaviness, the loss. You recognize a lot of the people – family, friends, and co-workers. You make your way through the room and then you realize…this is your funeral. All these people are here for you. One by one they go to the front and give their remarks about your life. What are they saying? Write down what you want to hear from your family, your co-workers, your friends, people you know from other organizations, as they reflect on your life, the kind of person you are. What do you want them to say about your character, contributions, and achievements?

This list is what you value. It’s the start of a personal mission statement.

First and Second Creation

Covey talks about how all things are created twice. The “first creation”, as he calls it, is the mental creation. We have to think it first. The “second creation” is the physical manifestation. By doing the funeral exercise, we’ve participated in the first creation. We’re thinking about what could be, a vision, a preferred future state. The remaining habits in Covey’s book help us with the second creation, actually spanning the gap between where and who we are, and where and who we want to be.

You’ve already experienced the concept of first and second creation many times over. In school you are given a problem to solve. You first think about how to solve it, the first creation. Then you go about solving it. The “show your work” part is the second creation. At work it’s similar. Whether you are doing research, design, or another task, you first need to think about how you are going to do the work, then you do the work.

What’s at your center?

When I was growing up, if someone only thought of themselves, we called them self-centered. I never really thought about what that term meant until I read 7 Habits. Covey presents all sorts of different centers and asks us to think about each. For example, someone who is self-centered is, as the term implies, centered on themselves. Decisions are made from the standpoint of what will benefit them. The person with self as their center continually asks, “What’s in it for me?”

But there are other centers. Let’s say a person is money-centered. Their decisions revolve around how much profit the options provide. Making money is paramount to anything else. Or let’s say someone is friend-centered. They make their decisions based on the question, “What will my friends think?”

You get the picture.

Covey suggests that we consider have principles as our center.

Principles are deep, fundamental truths, classic truths, generic common denominators.

Stephen R. Covey – 7 Habits

I find that defining principles is difficult, but spotting principles in action is easier.

Let’s look at a practical example. A former colleague requests that you write a LinkedIn recommendation for them. Trouble is, although you think this person is nice, they really weren’t that skilled at their job.

If you are friend-centered, and you want to keep this person as a friend, you may ask yourself, “What will they think if I decline to write the recommendation?” If you fear losing them as a friend, you may write the recommendation, even if it means being insincere.

If you are money-centered, then you ask, “How will this profit me?” If there is no clear answer, you may decline.

As a principle-centered person, you try to stand apart from the emotion of the situation and from other factors that would act on you, and evaluate the options.

Stephen R. Covey – 7 Habits

Perhaps in this case we lean on integrity and we politely decline to write the recommendation.

I find having a principle center gives me confidence when I make decisions, especially uncomfortable or unpopular decisions.

tl;dr

  • Understanding what you value is a critical component to being able to engineer your life.
  • Understanding that everything is created twice is also important. Things are created once in our mind – a mental creation, and then second, things are created physically.
  • It’s also important to understand our center. Are we centered on ourselves? Our friends? Money? Or principles? Covey makes a strong argument for being principle-centered, as principles do not change over time, are not finicky, and don’t disappear.

engineer your life

  • Read Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
  • Do the funeral exercise.
  • Determine what is at your center