“I’m responsible for my life”
Habit 1 from Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change is called ‘Be Proactive’. It’s about taking responsibility for your choices, for your thoughts, for your actions, and really for your life.
This habit changed my life for the better, which is why I want to start this blog series with it. We can’t engineer our lives if we don’t first acknowledge and embrace the idea that we are responsible. Living this habit started me on a great self-improvement, self-discovery journey. This habit is the reason I can share and give back to you, so you can continue and perhaps accelerate your own journey.
If you are reading this blog, you’re likely a proactive person already. But, let’s explore a bit to make sure we’re on the same page and using the same language.
A proactive person does not blame the environment or other people’s perceptions of them for how things are going. In other words, a proactive person takes responsibility for their choices and their future.
A reactive person, on the other hand, points out the faults in others but never looks to improve themselves. The reactive person feels like they are powerless to do anything.
Being proactive is Habit 1 in Covey’s book, and is a prerequisite for leading an intentional life. In describing this habit, Covey has us look at the word “responsibility” a bit differently. He asks us to look at it as “response-ability”, that is, the ability to choose our response. This choice is the key to self-development, exploring our potential, and leadership – both of ourselves and others.
If we’re always allowing ourselves to be ‘acted upon’ instead of ‘acting’, we are dis-empowering ourselves. But, if we make a conscious effort to choose our response based on our values, then we are able to be the driver of our destiny.
If you’re still not quite sure if you are mostly proactive or mostly reactive, look at the statements below. Which set of statements resonate with you more? Decide which set of statements you want to resonate with you more. It’s your choice when you are proactive!
| Proactive | Reactive |
| I am or am learning to be self-aware | I can’t change the way I am |
| I add value | I am a ‘fair weather’ employee |
| I am creative | I like complaining |
| There must be another way | I don’t want responsibility |
However, it doesn’t matter if you are a proactive person or a reactive person – life happens, and sometimes it’s hard to choose a response that fits our values. In short, we forget that we have the choice.
Case in point, I was in a situation where the projects I was involved with and management had shifted a bit and I was out of alignment with the organization. I was upset and frustrated, and I complained to my friends a lot. (A lot). I was in full pity-party mode. Then one day I remembered what I read in the 7 Habits book and realized I was being reactive, not proactive.
Instead of continuing to feel like I had no control, I asked myself what I did have control or influence over. And this is when I started implementing intent-based leadership on my small team. More on this approach to leadership in later blogs, but the short version is that team morale was boosted, we became a more efficient team, I got experience with that approach to leadership, and I proved to myself that I had something of value to share.
This example came from later in my career, but it applies when we are engineering as well. If you realize you may be acting like a reactive person at the moment, ask yourself what you actually do have control or influence over, and concentrate your efforts there. Perhaps you need to come up to speed on a technical aspect or skill in order to add value. You already know where to look for information: podcasts, YouTube, Google, Pluralsight, conferences/workshops, or maybe a good old-fashioned book or blog, to name a few.
tl;dr
You can engineer your life once you choose to take responsibility. The most important habit is to be proactive, because it is a prerequisite for living intentionally. Life happens to everybody, but it’s our response to it that leads us to realizing our potential, or that holds us back.
engineer your life
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen Covey:
- Read Part I, Paradigms & Principles (Inside-Out and The Seven Habits – an Overview)
- Read Habit 1 Be Proactive: Principles of Personal Vision